Calming the Creative Chaos

reflecting on a trip to Costa Rica (and short review of Costco Travel)

My thoughts begin here, in the pages of a book randomly selected to travel with me to Costa Rica - The Marriage Portrait by Maggie O’Farrell.

The main character, Lucrezia, is a young girl from a wealthy family in 16th-century Tuscany. Though her story is far from my reality, she often feels uncomfortably close to my own sensibilities in her quietly awkward, uncertain, disconnected, yet possibly perceptive view of the world around her (I haven’t yet finished the book, so her perceptiveness remains to be seen). Her character seems to grow from a fragility and strength that are metaphorically formed on the mudbanks of a rigid palazzo life.

One paragraph in particular, struck me, which included this description of her inner dialogue:

“Words pressed themselves into her memory, like a shoe sole into soft mud, which would dry and solidify, the shoeprint preserved forever. Sometimes she felt filled up, overstuffed with words, faces, names, voices, dialogues, her head throbbing with pain, and she would be set off-balance by the weight of what she carried, stumbling into tables and walls. Sofia [her nurse-maid] would put her to bed, curtains drawn, and make her drink tisana, and Lucrezia would sleep. When she woke her head would feel like a cupboard that had been tidied: still full but more orderly.”

This past week, I just returned from 10 beautiful days in Costa Rica. It was a memorable trip for many reasons, including amazing vistas, flora, fauna, lightning and rainstorms, and a guided cultural experience.

When I travel I like to take a sketchbook, a journal, and a project (or two). I was so enamored with my surroundings, however, I barely picked up any of these things during my trip. Each day was so full, that by evening I was happy to just jot down some highlights about the day and read a few pages in my book before I fell asleep to the myriad of wildlife sounds outside my room.

For this trip, I chose to take The Recovery Agent: A Gabriela Rose Novel by Janet Evanovich (since a part of the book is set in Costa Rica and I always love the quick-witted, easy-reading fun of a Janet Evanovich adventure) and The Marriage Portrait (mentioned above).

Costa Rica - Costsaver Review

The last big vacation my husband and I took was in 2019. We managed a whirlwind 11-day tour through Europe, starting in Rome and finishing in London. We had a wonderful time exploring many highlights and taking the trains from city to city. Having planned it ourselves, though, we decided to let someone else do the planning for our Costa Rica adventure.

As Costco Members, we decided to try their Costsaver travel services after seeing they had a special running for a week in Costa Rica with a 2-day Tortuguero extension. The entire trip, exploring three unique regions of the country with a bonus night in San José, was about $2400 per person (not including airfare). The package included gorgeous hotels, many meals, tips, and guided excursions (including entry to hot springs, national parks, river rafting, night walks, and horseback riding, among a bevy of other bonus tours.) And everything was planned for us!

Personal trip highlights included: sighting 50+ new-to-me bird species, meeting a local family for coffee and snacks along a rafting tour, hiking on a volcano, bouncing over ravines on suspension bridges, watching sea turtles lay eggs on the beach at night, waking to the noise of howler monkeys, watching a baby sloth sleep on its mother, witnessing an unusual (and loud) altercation between large groups of coati, learning about Costa Rican culture, and sharing the experience with newly formed friendships.

It was truly a memorable vacation! However, if I were to do it again, I would probably make sure there was an unscripted portion to our trip too.

For our last day in Costa Rica, we had to stay an extra night in San José due to flight schedules. We decided to walk around the city, enjoying a visit to an Art Museum and meandering through a larger city park before stopping at a cafe.

It quickly became obvious we had left the guided tourist portion of our trip when we had to rely more heavily on our rudimentary Spanish for communication and enjoyed a meal that was a little more cosmopolitan than the traditional foods we’d been served (which were also very enjoyable and leaving me with a desire to learn to cook plantains at home).

While we certainly appreciated the guided tours (we never would have seen all the wildlife or learned so much about the history and culture of the country without the guides - thanks to Oliver and Ronny), we also love exploring on our own. When we left our tour group, some of our fellow travelers continued onward to extend the vacation on their own. It sounded like a fun and relaxing way to finish the trip, and I would definitely consider doing the same on our next adventure!

Soothing Creative Chaos

Now back to that initial quote from The Marriage Portrait.

Going into our vacation, I had just finished preparing and managing an estate sale for my mom the weekend prior. My mind was spinning with all the tasks that still needed doing while rehashing all the things done. It was also the last week before sending my youngest back to their last year of college, grateful they stayed at our home to care for our pets while we were vacationing, but wishing for more time to finish doing everything we had planned over the summer. (Instead, we were left planning our house key hand-off between us returning late on a Saturday and their return to school early morning on a Sunday with backup pet plans for any flight delay situations.) And - in the midst of all the tangible chaos around me, I had artistic chaos churning its way through my thoughts. I had recently finished showing work at the Salem Art Fair - which after a frustrating experience, deserves its own review. (I originally was going to review the show before leaving on vacation, but I’ve decided to postpone it to later in the year to give me a little more space and thought around my experience. I will post it here on Substack sometime before applications open for the 2024 fair.)

And then for what was actually creating the most mental chaos: I was building up to a year of piecing together work for an installation project I’ve had brewing in my sketchbooks, voice memos, and thoughts for several years, finally having found a home to showcase my project in August 2024. The personal stakes felt high and were infiltrating my every thought.

Abstraction No. 1

Before leaving on vacation, my mental load was chaos. I was worried I was returning to an unhealthy level of stress, all too familiar, and which I previously thought I had permanently left behind.

And then I boarded a plane in the middle of the night and it was gone.

Starting out the trip already sleep-deprived meant my focus was mostly on staying awake. Then, in unfamiliar territory, overwhelmed by new sights and sounds with an unexpected adventure directly ahead, my focus quickly centered on my immediate surroundings. I was naturally living that “in-the-moment” life.

From the big city of San José, we traveled to the wildness of the Caribbean coast where sea turtles come to shore to lay hundreds of eggs in the dark of night before hiding them in the sand and returning to the vast ocean. It was an unforgettable experience under an endless sky of brilliant stars, mere steps away from nature’s mysterious ways, huddled with a small group of strangers following the glow of a single red light (to not disturb the wildlife). How could I think of anything else, but all the new and interesting ways the world was unfolding around me?

We were in the last days of our vacation before I realized I hadn’t even thought of all those worries that usually cling to my inner world. Instead, I focused on spotting birds and wildlife, getting to know fellow group travelers, and learning all about Costa Rica from our tour guides. The environment was so different from anywhere I’ve traveled and so full of activity and interactions, I simply enjoyed letting each day unfold.

When it was over, it felt right. I was ready for home. With that pleasant kind of tiredness made of fun days fully explored (along with a few mosquito-bite reminders of my time away), we headed back to our little Oregon home nestled near a different kind of forest with our own beautiful mix of wildlife and birds, appreciating what we just experienced while seeing our own home anew.

And then I realized, the chaos I had been feeling was actually still there, but just felt different. Somehow in the absence, it became untangled from its knotty mess and found itself neatly ordered and manageable - pared down to essentials, like a simple line drawing.

And while I never felt as overwhelmed as little Lucrezia, physically stumbling into tables and walls, I understood the sensation. I have felt the suffocating of layer after layer of ideas and input creating a seemingly impenetrable wall, hardened into fossilized remains of what was once beautiful and innocent, unwittingly preventing me from seeing the ground beneath my feet.

I understand this character’s need for rest.

I see my need for rest, too.

Costa Rica Travels

I feel fortunate to have had this opportunity to travel, but it’s good to be home.

To calming the chaos,

Jennifer